I am afraid of contact- all kinds of contact.
I am afraid of putting the pen to the paper- for the fear of what might come pouring out: thousands of carefully masked sentiments, millions of thoughts that I carelessly shove in a compartment of the labyrinth that my soul has become, in organized chaos.
I am afraid that writing will provide me both relief, and release, for I fear both: relief, because it is often false reassurance foreboding disaster, and release, because you can never really achieve sweet, divine release from the demons that haunt you-They are, after all, a part of you, and you can never be apart.
Shall I venture a step further, and say that I’m afraid of all human contact too? – All kinds of it.
The mindless laughter shared over fleeting moments, the quiet understanding that binds souls, without them even comprehending the miracle of being bound together in that fashion, the reckless manner in which people lay their most vulnerable versions bare for others to see- everything.
For with contact, sparks fly, and when the sparks fly, life catches fire. You might enjoy the rosy warmth at first, but often, the infernal flames will rise, to consume you.
And before the flames touch this fragile piece of paper again, I sheath my weapon, and slink back into the alluring safety of my own soul, away from the savage world, trying desperately to hold on to the only thing I hold dear, the only thing I can still call my own-My words.
I was thinking about the Book thief while I put this up here.
Re-read it from her perspective, if you have read the book, or watched the movie.If not,this could be the lament of a holocaust survivor, or that of a victim of human trafficking.
Or maybe the overly dramatic rant of a heartbroken teenager.
Suit yourselves. After all, it’s only the perspective that matters;and the understanding that pain isn’t partial towards its victims, that we all are equal in the face of its fiery onslaught, for after all, it’s only the perspective that matters.
So tomorrow, be a little kinder to everyone you happen to cross paths with-you never know how a simple act of kindness can help people overcome.(Their fears, their depression, their grief, yada yada yada)
Have a good day:)